Learning to Breathe
by steviemichael
Summary: Episode 3x12 AU. After releasing the airlock, Bellamy fails to wake up.
"Not yet . . . first you watch them die." Emerson's venomous words pounded in her brain.

His hand twisted violently in her hair while the other arm snaked around her neck. As she choked on small gasps of air, hot tears filled her eyes and she forced herself to look at her friends. No longer fighting for air, a few moments more and they would all be gone. Dead. Allie 1 had been right, death truly did follow her wherever she went.

"You have any last words for your friends?" Emerson's cruel taunt, shook her from her guilt ridden reverie.

Though his words were meant to be the final twist of the knife in her heart, they inadvertently ignited an idea. She felt the cool metal of Allie 2 in her palm and took in a steadying breath.

"Yeah" she countered. "Ascende superius." And with that, she shoved Allie 2 into his worthless neck.

She didn't bother to see what happened next as the AI crawled into his brain inflicting catastrophic damage. She rushed to the airlock, and released the doors. Praying that she was not too late, she breathlessly watched as air filled the room and her friends began to slowly revive. Emotion and exhaustion overwhelmed Clarke. They were safe. They were safe. She dropped her head to the floor for a moment, embracing its coolness.

Then she heard Octavia's muffled screams.

Clarke jerked up, and that's when she saw him. Bellamy. His head lolled into his chest his body hanging limply from his ties. He wasn't breathing.

"Bellamy!" Clarke screamed as she jumped into action.

She quickly pulled a knife cutting his binds. He collapsed into her. She sagged under his dead weight and lowered him as gently as possible to the floor. She quickly checked for a pulse. When she found none, she thought her own heart might stop.

"Don't do this to me, Bellamy. Please, don't do this! Come on!" Clarke cried!

She collected her self and began giving him CPR. 30 strong compressions. She then tipped back his jaw and gave two deep breaths. . . nothing.

"Come on, Bellamy! you don't get to quit on me!" Her words were barely intelligible amidst the sobs.

Octavia was now hysterical. Screaming and thrashing. Her wrists bloodied from trying to release her binds to get to her brother.

Clarke continued the compressions. She was not giving up. She couldn't. Two more breaths. Still nothing.

"Bellamy, please . . . I need you." She begged.

More compressions, more breaths. Over and over. After several minutes of this, Clarke paused. She realized it was futile. He wasn't coming back. As tears streamed down her face, she looked back at Octavia. She shook her head slightly and lowered her eyes. She couldn't face her. She had failed her. She had failed him. Oh god . . . Bellamy was dead. Octavia's guttural screams filled the airlock. As Clarke looked down at Bellamy, she couldn't help but reach out and touch his cheek. She felt the all too fresh cuts and bruises covering his handsome features. Physical representation of the pain and sorrow this young man had endured. And she realized it couldn't end here. He deserved better than that.

Resolved she began compressions again, offering a silent prayer to a god she didn't believe in, asking for a miracle. She bent down to blow two more breath into his still body, when she felt him stir. At first she thought she had imagined it, but then he stirred again, and suddenly he began coughing and gasping for air. Clarke crumpled on top of him. Sobs wracking her body.

"Bellamy! you're okay, you're okay, you're oka..." she found herself repeating this like a mantra. Trying more than anything else to assure herself.

"You look worried, Princess" he teased.

His words were meant to comfort her, but the weakness of his voice and paleness of his skin, were a vivid reminder of how close she had come to losing him.

She weakly rested her forehead against his. Breathing in his scent, relishing the feel of his warm skin.

"Don't ever do that to me again. I don't know how I . . ." she couldn't finish.

That's when she remembered Octavia. She gently touched his cheek once more, reassuring herself that he was there, before jumping up and releasing Octavia from her binds. Octavia quickly knelt by Bellamy. Placing his head gently in her lap, and stroking his hair.

"Hey big brother", she sniffled.

"O", Bellamy croaked.

Octavia thought she should feel more conflicted. It had not been that long ago that she had lashed out at Bellamy, beating him to a bloody pulp and telling him he was dead to her. Those words now rang in her head. Seeing Bellamy laying there lifeless had awoken something in her. Allowing her to see past her grief, past her anger. Allowing her to see her big brother. A man who had sacrificed so much for her. A man who had suffered so greatly. A man who had made mistakes. There were still unresolved issues, she was angry and heartbroken, but in this moment, she knew, Bellamy was her family and she needed him . . .loved him. Nothing was ever going to change that.

"I . . .I love you Bell. I can't lose you!" she whispered as she dropped a soft kiss into his dark curls.

A tear slid down Bellamy's face. He never thought he would hear those words from his sister again. Truly he felt he didn't deserve those words. But just for a moment, he allowed himself this comfort. Just for a moment. His self-loathing and guilt would return soon enough. But for now, he felt safe in his sister's arms, surrounded by his people. . .his family. His eyes met Clarke's, and the love and concern he saw there took his breath away. How could these two incredible women care so much for someone like him?

He knew he didn't deserve it, but just for this moment, he would accept it. Just for this moment.


End file.
